Coffee for The Cursed Half-Life.. er, Soul

“Unicorn Frappuccino is all the buzz!” said the Buzz feed article I stumbled upon.

Okay, wow, Starbucks must have been desperate for more publicity to have come up with this monstrosity that is the highly praised “Unicorn Frappuccino”, because stores across the nation are sold out of this crap.

I myself have no desire to buy these cursed concoctions for a number of reasons.

  1. It’s overpriced coffee dyed to look like a freaking rainbow in a cup.
  2. It’s a trend. It’s a thing hipsters were into currently and I despise it with a passion.
  3. I can make this crap at home. Seriously, I have the colored food dye and everything. Even the sprinkles!

 

I’m also pretty sure Voldemort works at Starbucks now. Seriously, he’s tricking these gullible hipsters into drinking the blood of inhumanly killed unicorns, forcing them to have cursed half-lives.

Oh, and apparently now Starbucks has come out with the “Dragon Frappuccino”.

Why.

Just, why.

Starbucks, you guys have to stop now. You’re growing a little too big for your britches.

“You have slain something pure and defenseless to save yourself, and you will have but a half-life, a cursed life, from the moment the blood touches your lips.”    –Firenze (Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone)

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